Tag: Heartbreak
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A promise to myself…!
My heart rebels,
Waging war against my mind.
A voice within screams,
Leaving reason far behind.Emotions rise,
Unruly, wild, untamed.
Desires burn,
And judgment fades in flame.This roaring voice within me grows,
Leaving me fragile, weak, and cold.
I fight against its endless pull,
Seeking strength in whispers bold.I swore I’d never walk that road,
Yet my heart still leads me there.
The echoes of the past grip tight,
I scream, but they still linger near.I draw myself a little closer,
Wrapping my heart in a gentle embrace.
“I won’t let you get hurt again,” I whisper,
As I wipe the tears from my face. -
Betrayal…!
Betrayal is hard
It comes from those close
Tears and pain
Is what always follows…
Betrayal brings sorrow
It leaves one in utter grief
No clue of why it was so
One is left in disbelief…
Betrayal brings sheer surprise
One is left totally shaken
What went wrong and where
With such thoughts one gets overtaken…
Betrayal brings depression
Everything looks black
Who can one trust then?
One’s own when in it lacked…
Betrayal sadly also brings self-doubt
One starts questioning self
Those self-committing feelings
Get very tough to be shelved…
Betrayal brings change too
One decides not to be fooled again
The once forgiving heart
Closes doors on everyone then…
Why does betrayal exist
Why can’t people stay true
What do they gain from backstabbing,
Don’t they fear they can receive it too!!!
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Probably, silence…!
Last night when I dreamt of you
As usual I wanted to tell you all
In my heightened exuberance
Of our silence I had no recall
It hit me like a wave –
Ceased me, & totally knocked me out
Was I never meaningful to you!
Slithering in came all the recurring doubts
How things changed, how we drifted
You said we were the best of pals
I thought it was my safe heaven
Then what happened has no rationale
My heart is shattered you know
Ego too stands in the way
Want to run back to what we had
But how to make my heart feel okay!
Wish it was easy to fight and ask
To say my words and hear you too
Even when we didn’t agree –
How could you distance me from you!
Questions will remain and I will retreat
For I don’t think I can make me say
It’s better to dwell and continue to pose
Than to exhibit me all sad and frail!
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The same hurt…!
I don’t know how I forget
How always you behaved so curt
Why on earth do I let myself
Go back to the same hurt!
I wonder what made me forget
Those things that I’d heard
Then how on earth do I let myself
Go back to the same hurt!
I must be crazy to forget
Your selfish deeds and words
Really silly of me I know
To go back to the same hurt!
Why did I think you’ve changed
Why did I expect a U-turn
Must be truly crazy of me
To get back to the same hurt!
How long till I learn my lesson
How long till I give up
Why don’t I learn to discount you
And stop going back to the same hurt!
Gradually you’re also improving
As each time you outdo your worse
Still, like a mad person that I am
I land myself in the same hurt!
High time I give up on you
High time I understand my worth
High time I do whatever is needed
And stop going back to the same hurt!
Sometimes out of courtesy
Other times due to my soft heart
Even, because I don’t know
This horrible, hurtful art
I’ve given enough second chances
Enough excuses to your erratic self
No more, I’ll keep reminding myself
Just STOP – going back to the same hurt!
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No answer to my whys…!
I saw you there – when you were rushing by
You looked at me and let out a sigh
At first you tried to walk away
But then you turned and came my way
You looked hurt and I know I did wrong
You were angry that I wasn’t strong
Still, you lovingly stroked my hair
I nearly choked for that gasp of air
Tears brimming my eyes I asked how you were
No words, your finger on my cheek lingered
Then you asked – “Wasn’t I your choice?”
“Why weren’t you strong”, you asked in a muffled voice…
My tears by now had smeared my face
I said I was sorry for my fearful ways
You shook your head in exasperation
While still holding my face in desperation
Suddenly then your poise you regained
When you backed off, I almost exploded in pain
“Please don’t go”, I cried out with scare
Not in my senses, of my surroundings I wasn’t aware
The disappointment in your eyes, the defeated look
“You could’ve been mine”, were your words as a step away you took
As if frozen, I saw your retreat
I was to blame for this shattering defeat
You tried to hide those tears of pain
“Take care” you said in a very weak strain
I saw you leave, turning every now and then
Don’t know how long, not sure till when
I stood there with tears flowing by
With no reason, no answer to my whys…
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No More Trying…!
You always just told me what I am not
Never appreciated what I’ve got
I kept on trying to prove my worth
Precious years of life now seem wasted as dirt
Compromising what was important to me
I tried to be what you wanted me to be
Knowing otherwise, but still agreeing with you
Just to get some peace in lieu
Fighting with self many a times
To make you happy I tried to mime
Compromised with values close to my heart
Gradually from myself I grew apart
Losing my self-worth happened with time
Emotions became super sublime
Angry at the world, angry at my God
I only worked towards getting your nod
No meaning was there till I realized
For whose peace did I sacrifice?
When those whom I thought I am trying to please
Are still thinking that I did nothing supreme!
Woken from a dream with a strong jolt
I have to put those, behind a bolt
Not to let them steal anymore
My smile, my peace, my life – like before
Need to restart, I know it will take me long
– Before I can write a new life song
Bit by bit, piece by piece
I will ultimately find my peace
No matter what it takes, how tough it will be
I will regain my self-esteem eventually
No more trying hard to be the good one
After all, to prove me wrong was your fun!
So even while parting I’ll give, not take
Let you be a martyr for your happiness’ sake
I choose my peace above proving to be good
For I know I’ve tried as best as I could…
Sonal's Poems 