Category: Me and my broken heart…
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I call YOU…!
Please come and hold my hand
As I walk this rocky road
My feet are stumbling as I carry
This unbearable load…
Eyes are welling up with tears
My breath feels heavy and rugged
Mind is full of doubts and fears
My state of mind is worried…
Heart feels weak and I don’t know
How will I fare this test
YOUR name I chant along
As I tread, forgetting all the rest…
Just YOU my Baba, my saviour, my guide
Can help me along this way
Please calm my unsettled mind
And hold me strong, for I sway…
I know YOU are there for sure
I know YOU won’t let me fall
Come, hold me in YOUR strong embrace
And make me strong and tall…
With YOU along I can brave the fears
With YOU I can pass this test
In YOUR light I can defeat this gloom
And put my anxiety to rest…
Waiting for YOUR light to shine
For YOUR strength to give me peace
Please come and hold me my SAI
I call YOU with every inch of me and piece!
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No more…!
I act not in contempt, but in pain
For all my efforts, went in vain
To make you realise, what you meant to me
In my closest circle, I always kept thee…
I have no pretence nor know how to hide
The heartbreak you gave by shirking aside
My genuine heart and my truest feelings
I have no more strength to keep it going…
I have no more courage to carry it on
Only my shoulders to weigh it upon
For you never showed or acted like you care
Even when I had my heart to you bare….
I probably deserve this for some act of mine
So, I’ll just accept it and no longer whine
I have no more strength to bear it any more
You stay happy though – that is what I wish for…! -
A promise to myself…!
My heart rebels,
Waging war against my mind.
A voice within screams,
Leaving reason far behind.Emotions rise,
Unruly, wild, untamed.
Desires burn,
And judgment fades in flame.This roaring voice within me grows,
Leaving me fragile, weak, and cold.
I fight against its endless pull,
Seeking strength in whispers bold.I swore I’d never walk that road,
Yet my heart still leads me there.
The echoes of the past grip tight,
I scream, but they still linger near.I draw myself a little closer,
Wrapping my heart in a gentle embrace.
“I won’t let you get hurt again,” I whisper,
As I wipe the tears from my face. -
Please Stop…!
There is no meaning in it, my mind says
Heart still tries to find something
Why don’t you stop visiting me?
For my heart then likes to cling…
There is no joy now in my reverie
Heart still tries to find a smile
Why don’t you stop looking back?
For my heart then follows your miles…
There is no purpose now in keeping you
Heart still tries to hold & cherish
Why don’t you stop bothering my thoughts?
For my heart then starts to wish…
There is no reality now in you & me
Heart still tries to be hopeful
Why don’t you stop calling out my name?
For my heart then feels a pull…
Please stop to say, or smile or do
Please stop to even look my way
Please stop to even visit my dreams
Just stop I plead, don’t come my way…
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Letting go….!
Repeatedly you try
To find it where you lost it
You keep turning back
Still finding it hard to quit
Those doors closed long back
When will you finally admit
The genuineness that you want
They cannot ever commit
No, they will not give you
The kind of love you want
No matter what you try
Their unkind ways will haunt
You couldn’t change them then
How do you think you’ll now
Try to atleast not let them
Trample your heart anyhow
So, gather up your courage
And take that first bold stride
Leave behind what broke you
Find peace on the other sideFor in letting go, there’s freedom
A path unbound and true
Where self-love will embrace you
In ways you never knew -
Everlasting…!
Life with you is like a rollercoaster
And sadly, I don’t like them
Too much at stake when the lows hit
My emotions go into a mayhem…
I tried hard against my might
To not quit and give in to fears
But you defeated me every time
And always left my eyes with tears…
I made efforts to understand
The thrill you get by being your way
But the loneliness which you leave me with
Surpass the joys that you bring someday…
I tried to toughen my weak heart
To handle the pain which comes with you
But the sobs of heartbreak are deafening
The wounds you give are tough to sew…
My heart seeks out the permanent
The comfort of your hand to hold
Not sometimes, but everyday
I want your voice, your sight to behold…
My soul is on a frantic search
For the love that will give me peace
Not fleeting like a shooting star
But an embrace that will never cease…
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Trapped…!
It’s such a day today when my mind’s on various things
It doesn’t seem to find it’s rest
Different thoughts come rushing by
My patience they seem to test!
I find it hard not to yell
To tell them to leave me alone
They continue to plague my mind
Their burden on my face gets shown!
My mind keeps repeating words
Both, happy and sad memories
It seems like a roller coaster
My emotions playing a game with me!
Visions of those by gone days
Project in front of me
I question my innocent heart
When will you of them be free?
Why me! Why do I think of things?
I want to let go all of them and be free
But my mind seems to think otherwise
And doesn’t let me be!
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Betrayal…!
Betrayal is hard
It comes from those close
Tears and pain
Is what always follows…
Betrayal brings sorrow
It leaves one in utter grief
No clue of why it was so
One is left in disbelief…
Betrayal brings sheer surprise
One is left totally shaken
What went wrong and where
With such thoughts one gets overtaken…
Betrayal brings depression
Everything looks black
Who can one trust then?
One’s own when in it lacked…
Betrayal sadly also brings self-doubt
One starts questioning self
Those self-committing feelings
Get very tough to be shelved…
Betrayal brings change too
One decides not to be fooled again
The once forgiving heart
Closes doors on everyone then…
Why does betrayal exist
Why can’t people stay true
What do they gain from backstabbing,
Don’t they fear they can receive it too!!!
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Why don’t you…!
Why don’t you leave
Why do you visit
When nothing it is that you want from me!
Why don’t you go
Why do you come
When nowhere together we have to reach!
Why don’t you cease
Why do you talk
When nothing there is that you have to share!
Why don’t you turn
Why do you look
When no meaning there is to your glance or stare!
Why don’t you exit
Why do you linger
When together we are not meant to stay
Why don’t you finish – this once and for all
When nothing neither, to the other, has to say…!
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Chased…!
I leave them behind
I try to create a new world
But the old thoughts
Again, have me encircled
I try to speed up and run away
But I get chased and find them in my way
Is there no way to not have them?
The useless thoughts – why do they stem!
I reason out, command to be left alone
But they repeatedly creep into my zone
I want to break free, for no purpose I find
Why these thoughts should be in my mind
I reprimand them and banish them to go
Yet, I get chased, like a creeper they grow
I sit with them, listen to them again
Realise that there’s no point to remain chained
I implore them to let me win
They ask me to turn within
Their roots I find deep in my heart
Till the roots are there, how will they depart!
This time around I question myself you see
Do I agree that I really want to get free?Do they chase me or I keep them close?
Why do I ask for their repeated dose!
They remind me of those who I hold dear
Of happy times when they were near
So, yes, probably I hold onto them
As they let me escape to a magical realm
Where all is happy and they’re close
Love and smiles are in overdose
The pain of reality hits me again
They’re not near, so these thoughts are in vain
I gather myself and start to run away
Being chased by those thoughts that don’t obey!
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I will fight it again…!
Once again, the same old pain
I really can’t bear it anymore
It makes me wince terribly
How much more is in store!
Each time it hits even harder
I feel everything is useless
Every time I think I am over it
Yet it comes back to oppress!
I remember when it first hit me
I thought I wouldn’t survive
But I was stronger than I knew
It taught me lessons, I’m alive!
Every pain is a lesson
But it takes so much strength to pass
Trying to stay afloat midst a storm
It takes all your might to surpass!
It will take time to fight it again
It will keep me down for a bit
But I will emerge stronger again
I will combat it with my grit! -
My own voice…!
I tried not to hear
But the voice was loud
I tried to shut it out
But could still hear what it was all about
It was all about me –
Why I don’t have what I want
Why I don’t deserve
Why pains are there to hauntIt laughed at me and made me cry
Didn’t bother to stop, even when it saw me sigh
It was cruel and sharp like a knife
It gave me wounds that’ll last a lifeI couldn’t handle but it carried on
I wanted to run but as if frozen –
My feet stayed glued at the spot
As if the ridicule I had chosen!With no one around me I had to accept
The voice was no one else but my own thoughts
All the torment of previous years
Found words blaming me for my rotWish I been more considerate of my heart
And would’ve thought of protecting myself
Had I not given in to their cunning art
And not ran the race to prove myselfYes, it was correct, and I was wrong
What did I achieve by this demeanour!
The lost years, the wasted joys
Mind full of all possible fearsI pleaded and begged my heart
Be kind to me as it has been to thee
It pleaded me in return
“Break the confining norms
Try to listen to me and to be free”! -
Let’s rekindle…!
There was a time when we were ‘us’
Talking to you wasn’t a fuss
There was laughter, fun and merry times
Soul talk, we totally rhymed
Steps in sync and thoughts that matched
Endearing words, not from the heart detached
While our silence also sounded pleasing
Our words were comforting and looks weren’t freezing
I can’t remember when and how
Things changed to what is now
The agony of not reaching there
Seeing the absence of the much-needed care
Leaves me with options none
But the dull days, want to see some sun
Major missing of that endearing solace
I wish I knew what to mend and in what ways
For I loathe to see what has become
Come let’s rekindle before we finally to it succumb…
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Standing in the shadows…!
I stood there totally unnoticed
While my world slipped away
What strength I showed to be there
How much I had to pray…!
I wanted you to look my way
And realise my love
To hear you call my name just once
Was my wish all above…!
I hoped for things to change their course
What was happening wasn’t right
It was, as if, I was in the midst of a storm
All I could do, was to hold on tight
My heart raced and seemed to explode
Why wasn’t anyone able to hear
The horrendous sound which it was making
My gosh, it was too much to bear…!
Merry words, songs, and dance
Drinks, cheer and smiles
You looked – so, very happy
I shivered there in the aisles…!
How I managed to curve my lips
With my eyes still full of tears
I didn’t want to show me weak
“I’ll cry” – was my biggest fear…!
None there saw my face
No one could make out my exhaustion
Once I was done with plesantries
I retired in my isolation…!
As I looked back I had silently hoped
Atleast then you will ask me to stay
But no, it was not to be
For you hardly looked my way…!
What made me think it was for me
What gave me such false hope
Who was to blame for my broken heart
Why wasn’t I taught how to cope…!
I didn’t know what happened then
For days I hardly tended to self
Though years have passed since
I doubt I have still mended myself…!
What haunts me even now is
Why did you come my way
If you never to be mine
Why my heart had to betray…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching all the mirth
Robbed me of my smile
Made me doubt my self-worth…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching me being overlooked
On my tender soul
A very heavy toll it took…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching you chose otherwise
Broke my heart into zillions
My silly dreams I had despised…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching those who were mine
Leaving me with daggers
Yet expecting me to be fine…!
Want to leave those shadows behind
Want to disassociate from the pain
For they shouldn’t define me
Why do I need to refrain…!
I am open to my smiles again
No more of this game for me
I am no longer an option
Standing in the shadows – no, not anymore for me…!
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Heart all pure…!
I share smiles, and try to spread a cheer
I give a helping hand, to whoever needs a peer
I try to bring solace, where and when I see a tear
If someone needs a vent, I offer a kind ear
I try not to judge, I try not to loathe
I am also not quick in letting people go
I show love and care, I try to stay true
I stand by my friends in their glooms and blues
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t find it back!
What is my shortcoming, where do I lack?
Should I change how I am and how I behave?
Should I close all doors when next they come my way?
But no, I don’t think, I’ll ever be good at that
I’ll always care for them, no matter they break my heart
It was never between me and them, I know that for sure
Ultimately SOMEONE, will see my heart all pure!
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Reverie…!
Every morning when I wake up
And want to say hello
Every time I have words to say
That I want you to know
Every minute that brings a smile
Only you’ll understand
Every memory which comes knocking
Under your command
Accentuates my yearning
Makes me feel it even more
How very much I miss you
Shocks my very core…! -
Relations…!
Relations – what are they supposed to be
To tie one down, or set us free
To be a steppingstone, or block our way
To let us shine or cast a cloud grey!
Relations – how should they be
A fresh breeze caressing
The first drops of rain
Warmth of winter sun
A key to all chains
A shoulder to lean on
A helping hand in need
A pat on our back
A fall back for deeds
A comforting bed at night
A very warm hug
A ray of light in dark
Never a cold shrug…
Relations – why don’t they offer peace
Why the constant strife?
To feel belonged by them –
Why do I have to lose my piece… by piece…!
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Probably, silence…!
Last night when I dreamt of you
As usual I wanted to tell you all
In my heightened exuberance
Of our silence I had no recall
It hit me like a wave –
Ceased me, & totally knocked me out
Was I never meaningful to you!
Slithering in came all the recurring doubts
How things changed, how we drifted
You said we were the best of pals
I thought it was my safe heaven
Then what happened has no rationale
My heart is shattered you know
Ego too stands in the way
Want to run back to what we had
But how to make my heart feel okay!
Wish it was easy to fight and ask
To say my words and hear you too
Even when we didn’t agree –
How could you distance me from you!
Questions will remain and I will retreat
For I don’t think I can make me say
It’s better to dwell and continue to pose
Than to exhibit me all sad and frail!
Sonal's Poems 