In this space, I write not to explain life, but to explore it. Pause with me, linger between the lines, and perhaps you’ll discover a piece of your own story here too. 🙂
Every now and then
My heart calls out to you
In my dreams you visit
They seem so very true!
Every now and then
You come and knock my thoughts
Without any warnings
In a different world I’m drawn!
Every now and then
Your name I say aloud
Without any reason
A warmth I feel around!
Every now and then
A smile which comes to me
If I decipher it
It spirals back to thee!
Every now and then
When I crave for more of you
I must tell my ignorant heart
To wait, for a lifetime or few!
Why don’t you leave
Why do you visit
When nothing it is that you want from me!
Why don’t you go
Why do you come
When nowhere together we have to reach!
Why don’t you cease
Why do you talk
When nothing there is that you have to share!
Why don’t you turn
Why do you look
When no meaning there is to your glance or stare!
Why don’t you exit
Why do you linger
When together we are not meant to stay
Why don’t you finish – this once and for all
When nothing neither, to the other, has to say…!
I wonder why the world is so
The good, the bad are treated alike
The givers get the overload
To give, and still bear the dislike!
Expectations soar only from those who care
The ones that don’t are easily written off
What little they do gets appreciated
The mount of good just gets easily scoffed!
It pains me to see this injustice
I wonder why the world is so
But such are things what I can do
Is treat “the good” with showers of glow!
Show them they’re loved, and what they do
Makes a difference and helps others grow!
The gestures big or small don’t matter
What matters most is “that care” they show!
If you too have someone around Who generously helps, then tell them today
How valued they are, how much they’re wanted
Lift their spirits by your loving display!
Who is the one who’ll give you a hug
Who’ll hold your hand when the going is rough
Who is the one who’ll wipe your tears
Who’ll stand by you when you can no longer bear
Who is the one who brings you peace
In the jigsaw of your life, who is that missing piece
Who is the one who never forsakes
May be away, but always keeps the love awake
Who is the one who makes you smile
Who never lets you feel lonely on miles
Who is the one you always reach out to
When you need an ear or just a shoulder to cry to…
This someone may come in any form
A friend, family, lover or guide
Keep them near and cherish them
For you’re lucky to have someone so in your life!
I just want to be hidden
I don’t want to appear
I don’t want the spotlight
In the crowds I want to disappear
I don’t want to be known
I just want to retreat
I don’t want the centre stage
Behind them I’ll be, totally discreet
I don’t want to be “the one”
I wish to lie low
I don’t want to be applauded
Or ridiculed for going slow
Enough of their scrutiny
Enough of their judgements
Enough of their advice
For I know their real intent
I don’t want to be in reach
I don’t want to be on display
I just want to be a nobody
From their eye I’ll be faraway…!
I just want to be hidden
I don’t want to appear
I don’t want the spotlight
In the crowds I want to disappear
I don’t want to be known
I just want to retreat
I don’t want the centre stage
Behind them I’ll be, totally discreet
I don’t want to be “the one”
I wish to lie low
I don’t want to be applauded
Or ridiculed for going slow
Enough of their scrutiny
Enough of their judgements
Enough of their advice
For I know their real intent
I don’t want to be in reach
I don’t want to be on display
I just want to be a nobody
From their eye to be faraway…!
I had a special dream
Which gave me a big smile
Your loving gaze charmed me
As holding hands, we walked the mile
I had a special dream
Endless, engaging chit chat
Beautiful places where we met
Talking about our this and that
I had a special dream
The joy which I felt around me
Together perfectly we belonged
Said one and all who could see
I had a special dream
Free from tears, sobs or pain
Nothing in it which I wouldn’t want
Such pleasure from it I gained
The love, the care, the warmth
The comfort and the contentment
The sheer sense of belonging
Waves of bliss to me which it sent…
Heart knows that the distance has increased
Heart knows that you’re away physically
Heart knows that you can’t listen to my words
Heart knows that things have changed drastically
Feelings know that they must change too
Feelings know that everything isn’t the same
Feelings know that you aren’t close to care
Feelings know that I can no longer say your name
Wishes, however stay, they care the least
Wishes, however flow, totally carefree
Wishes, however wish, the very best for you
Wishes, however say – may you always be with glee!
True love is tranquil
It doesn’t make much noise
True love is peaceful
It doesn’t need a strong voice
True love doesn’t give shivers
It gives eternal peace
True love is like a puzzle
In which in place is every piece
True love isn’t demanding
It accepts and forgoes
True love isn’t revengeful
It rejoices and helps to grow
True love doesn’t forget
Whether it’s near or far
True love always stays
Forever fresh in heart
True love is to be cherished
Like the most precious gem
True love should be valued
Above this, that or them
True love brings victory
Even if after a long fight
True love – if it’s around you
Don’t let go – hold onto it tight!
Once again, the same old pain
I really can’t bear it anymore
It makes me wince terribly
How much more is in store!
Each time it hits even harder
I feel everything is useless
Every time I think I am over it
Yet it comes back to oppress!
I remember when it first hit me
I thought I wouldn’t survive
But I was stronger than I knew
It taught me lessons, I’m alive!
Every pain is a lesson
But it takes so much strength to pass
Trying to stay afloat midst a storm
It takes all your might to surpass!
It will take time to fight it again
It will keep me down for a bit
But I will emerge stronger again
I will combat it with my grit!
I tried not to hear
But the voice was loud
I tried to shut it out
But could still hear what it was all about
It was all about me –
Why I don’t have what I want
Why I don’t deserve
Why pains are there to haunt
It laughed at me and made me cry
Didn’t bother to stop, even when it saw me sigh
It was cruel and sharp like a knife
It gave me wounds that’ll last a life
I couldn’t handle but it carried on
I wanted to run but as if frozen –
My feet stayed glued at the spot
As if the ridicule I had chosen!
With no one around me I had to accept
The voice was no one else but my own thoughts
All the torment of previous years
Found words blaming me for my rot
Wish I been more considerate of my heart
And would’ve thought of protecting myself
Had I not given in to their cunning art
And not ran the race to prove myself
Yes, it was correct, and I was wrong
What did I achieve by this demeanour!
The lost years, the wasted joys
Mind full of all possible fears
I pleaded and begged my heart
Be kind to me as it has been to thee
It pleaded me in return
“Break the confining norms
Try to listen to me and to be free”!
You call my name, but it seems so far
Why and when did we grow apart
Silly words or just a little rage
You didn’t stop me, I also didn’t wait
Ego, anger or just a needed gap
Whatever it was, now seems a long lap
I want to cross the bridge and run back to you
I do miss you, and want to ease my heart’s blues
But your call seems so afar now and I don’t know how to cross
This massive bridge between us, widening the loss…!
I do not like these mornings,
When I wake up dreaming about you
It leaves me with an emptiness,
And I don’t know what to do…
Instantaneously I want to reach out
And ask if you’re doing fine
Sanity then comes knocking,
It isn’t in my line…
The warmth of the visions,
Lingers on and on
The taste of us together
Leaves me totally withdrawn
The vividness of the scenes,
Never then, loses my psyche
Hither thither I move,
Trying to settle the spike…
Baffled I am – for why you come to me
Angry I feel – on my stupidity
These are just dreams
No relevance they should have
Then why do I still feel the tingling
Of where you held my hand…!
Nothing which I can do, than to do what I do,
Suppress the storm in me, and handle what’s in view…
There was a time when we were ‘us’
Talking to you wasn’t a fuss
There was laughter, fun and merry times
Soul talk, we totally rhymed
Steps in sync and thoughts that matched
Endearing words, not from the heart detached
While our silence also sounded pleasing
Our words were comforting and looks weren’t freezing
I can’t remember when and how
Things changed to what is now
The agony of not reaching there
Seeing the absence of the much-needed care
Leaves me with options none
But the dull days, want to see some sun
Major missing of that endearing solace
I wish I knew what to mend and in what ways
For I loathe to see what has become
Come let’s rekindle before we finally to it succumb…
I stood there totally unnoticed
While my world slipped away
What strength I showed to be there
How much I had to pray…!
I wanted you to look my way
And realise my love
To hear you call my name just once
Was my wish all above…!
I hoped for things to change their course
What was happening wasn’t right
It was, as if, I was in the midst of a storm
All I could do, was to hold on tight
My heart raced and seemed to explode
Why wasn’t anyone able to hear
The horrendous sound which it was making
My gosh, it was too much to bear…!
Merry words, songs, and dance
Drinks, cheer and smiles
You looked – so, very happy
I shivered there in the aisles…!
How I managed to curve my lips
With my eyes still full of tears
I didn’t want to show me weak
“I’ll cry” – was my biggest fear…!
None there saw my face
No one could make out my exhaustion
Once I was done with plesantries
I retired in my isolation…!
As I looked back I had silently hoped
Atleast then you will ask me to stay
But no, it was not to be
For you hardly looked my way…!
What made me think it was for me
What gave me such false hope
Who was to blame for my broken heart
Why wasn’t I taught how to cope…!
I didn’t know what happened then
For days I hardly tended to self
Though years have passed since
I doubt I have still mended myself…!
What haunts me even now is
Why did you come my way
If you never to be mine
Why my heart had to betray…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching all the mirth
Robbed me of my smile
Made me doubt my self-worth…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching me being overlooked
On my tender soul
A very heavy toll it took…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching you chose otherwise
Broke my heart into zillions
My silly dreams I had despised…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching those who were mine
Leaving me with daggers
Yet expecting me to be fine…!
Want to leave those shadows behind
Want to disassociate from the pain
For they shouldn’t define me
Why do I need to refrain…!
I am open to my smiles again
No more of this game for me
I am no longer an option
Standing in the shadows – no, not anymore for me…!
I share smiles, and try to spread a cheer
I give a helping hand, to whoever needs a peer
I try to bring solace, where and when I see a tear
If someone needs a vent, I offer a kind ear
I try not to judge, I try not to loathe
I am also not quick in letting people go
I show love and care, I try to stay true
I stand by my friends in their glooms and blues
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t find it back!
What is my shortcoming, where do I lack?
Should I change how I am and how I behave?
Should I close all doors when next they come my way?
But no, I don’t think, I’ll ever be good at that
I’ll always care for them, no matter they break my heart
It was never between me and them, I know that for sure
Ultimately SOMEONE, will see my heart all pure!
Every morning when I wake up
And want to say hello
Every time I have words to say
That I want you to know
Every minute that brings a smile
Only you’ll understand
Every memory which comes knocking
Under your command
Accentuates my yearning
Makes me feel it even more
How very much I miss you
Shocks my very core…!
Relations – what are they supposed to be
To tie one down, or set us free
To be a steppingstone, or block our way
To let us shine or cast a cloud grey!
Relations – how should they be
A fresh breeze caressing
The first drops of rain
Warmth of winter sun
A key to all chains
A shoulder to lean on
A helping hand in need
A pat on our back
A fall back for deeds
A comforting bed at night
A very warm hug
A ray of light in dark
Never a cold shrug…
Relations – why don’t they offer peace
Why the constant strife?
To feel belonged by them –
Why do I have to lose my piece… by piece…!
Pain comes in many forms
None knows what’s it for the other
Is yours a bigger pain than mine?
Why to ponder on this further?
That which hurts me so much
Might not be a big thing for you
So, do not look down upon me
Because you can’t comprehend why my tears flew
That – which pains you so deep
I promise I’ll try and listen
I won’t belittle you for being sad
Or give you unnecessary reasons
Stop comparing how two differ
Why the other gives it heart
Just be there when one needs you
Simply try to be the kind arc
Next time when one shares with you
With all the needed courage and trust
Try to give a compassionate ear
Not necessarily a solution, but good listening is a must!
Sonal's Poems 