Tag: Pain
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A promise to myself…!
My heart rebels,
Waging war against my mind.
A voice within screams,
Leaving reason far behind.Emotions rise,
Unruly, wild, untamed.
Desires burn,
And judgment fades in flame.This roaring voice within me grows,
Leaving me fragile, weak, and cold.
I fight against its endless pull,
Seeking strength in whispers bold.I swore I’d never walk that road,
Yet my heart still leads me there.
The echoes of the past grip tight,
I scream, but they still linger near.I draw myself a little closer,
Wrapping my heart in a gentle embrace.
“I won’t let you get hurt again,” I whisper,
As I wipe the tears from my face. -
Please Stop…!
There is no meaning in it, my mind says
Heart still tries to find something
Why don’t you stop visiting me?
For my heart then likes to cling…
There is no joy now in my reverie
Heart still tries to find a smile
Why don’t you stop looking back?
For my heart then follows your miles…
There is no purpose now in keeping you
Heart still tries to hold & cherish
Why don’t you stop bothering my thoughts?
For my heart then starts to wish…
There is no reality now in you & me
Heart still tries to be hopeful
Why don’t you stop calling out my name?
For my heart then feels a pull…
Please stop to say, or smile or do
Please stop to even look my way
Please stop to even visit my dreams
Just stop I plead, don’t come my way…
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Once again…!
Last night, once again
You came visiting in my dreams
If only I had stretched my hand
I could’ve had your feel!
You were there, once again
As vivid as always
To get over it, and you
It’s going to take me days!
I was wide awake in the dark
Tears rolling down my face
Mind told me it was just a dream
Heart, still looking for your trace!
Whatever it was, that was said
Still lingers in my mind
But to listen to it all over again
I want to sleep and press rewind!
Not knowing the real way ahead
I just let a deep sigh escape
Not looking forward to the might I’ll need
To get back to a normal state!
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Grief…!
The gush of grief came upon me
Before I knew it had me engulfed
Trapped in my misery so terribly
I was left so scared as a result!
My own sighs seemed surprising
I didn’t know I could reach this spot
The tears flowing incessantly
Had me thinking how I reached this rot!
Breathing was hard between my sobs
My heart felt crushed with pain
Every gasp seemed a plea for life
But nonetheless – it was in vain!
No way looked worthy
No one seemed to care
No helping hand, held out
The world kept moving
All around me
No one seemed to bother
That I was left out!
The gloom hit hard
Nothing seemed good
Even my shadow seemed to have left my side
The dream that someone will care to stop
Seemed so silly and hurt me deep inside!
The grief surrounded me from all directions
There seemed no possible escape
The burden of my thoughts was so much
Taking even a step had me precipitate!
The high tides overpowered me
I tried, but then gave up
This grief will have me down
Till I muster the strength to swim back up!
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Let it stay…!
The things I see, they baffle me,
They pierce my heart like a dagger
They hit me with a ferocious speed
I can’t stand strong, I stagger!
They make me feel so lonely
Amidst all that’s tangible around
I squirm and pull myself in
Encircled by thoughts newfound!
Trying to find a stable ground
Beneath my shaking feet
I tell my very hurting heart
“Give it time again, you’ll heal”!
With no one who’ll comprehend
I curl within to hug my soul
Whatever it is that comes as scenes
Don’t fight it, just behold!
So, I allow myself to feel this pain
It has come for a reason I am sure
It has chosen me for good or bad
And I’ll let it stay till it cures!
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I will fight it again…!
Once again, the same old pain
I really can’t bear it anymore
It makes me wince terribly
How much more is in store!
Each time it hits even harder
I feel everything is useless
Every time I think I am over it
Yet it comes back to oppress!
I remember when it first hit me
I thought I wouldn’t survive
But I was stronger than I knew
It taught me lessons, I’m alive!
Every pain is a lesson
But it takes so much strength to pass
Trying to stay afloat midst a storm
It takes all your might to surpass!
It will take time to fight it again
It will keep me down for a bit
But I will emerge stronger again
I will combat it with my grit! -
Standing in the shadows…!
I stood there totally unnoticed
While my world slipped away
What strength I showed to be there
How much I had to pray…!
I wanted you to look my way
And realise my love
To hear you call my name just once
Was my wish all above…!
I hoped for things to change their course
What was happening wasn’t right
It was, as if, I was in the midst of a storm
All I could do, was to hold on tight
My heart raced and seemed to explode
Why wasn’t anyone able to hear
The horrendous sound which it was making
My gosh, it was too much to bear…!
Merry words, songs, and dance
Drinks, cheer and smiles
You looked – so, very happy
I shivered there in the aisles…!
How I managed to curve my lips
With my eyes still full of tears
I didn’t want to show me weak
“I’ll cry” – was my biggest fear…!
None there saw my face
No one could make out my exhaustion
Once I was done with plesantries
I retired in my isolation…!
As I looked back I had silently hoped
Atleast then you will ask me to stay
But no, it was not to be
For you hardly looked my way…!
What made me think it was for me
What gave me such false hope
Who was to blame for my broken heart
Why wasn’t I taught how to cope…!
I didn’t know what happened then
For days I hardly tended to self
Though years have passed since
I doubt I have still mended myself…!
What haunts me even now is
Why did you come my way
If you never to be mine
Why my heart had to betray…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching all the mirth
Robbed me of my smile
Made me doubt my self-worth…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching me being overlooked
On my tender soul
A very heavy toll it took…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching you chose otherwise
Broke my heart into zillions
My silly dreams I had despised…!
Standing in the shadows then
And watching those who were mine
Leaving me with daggers
Yet expecting me to be fine…!
Want to leave those shadows behind
Want to disassociate from the pain
For they shouldn’t define me
Why do I need to refrain…!
I am open to my smiles again
No more of this game for me
I am no longer an option
Standing in the shadows – no, not anymore for me…!
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Pain…!
Pain comes in many forms
None knows what’s it for the other
Is yours a bigger pain than mine?
Why to ponder on this further?That which hurts me so much
Might not be a big thing for you
So, do not look down upon me
Because you can’t comprehend why my tears flewThat – which pains you so deep
I promise I’ll try and listen
I won’t belittle you for being sad
Or give you unnecessary reasonsStop comparing how two differ
Why the other gives it heart
Just be there when one needs you
Simply try to be the kind arcNext time when one shares with you
With all the needed courage and trust
Try to give a compassionate ear
Not necessarily a solution, but good listening is a must! -
The same hurt…!
I don’t know how I forget
How always you behaved so curt
Why on earth do I let myself
Go back to the same hurt!
I wonder what made me forget
Those things that I’d heard
Then how on earth do I let myself
Go back to the same hurt!
I must be crazy to forget
Your selfish deeds and words
Really silly of me I know
To go back to the same hurt!
Why did I think you’ve changed
Why did I expect a U-turn
Must be truly crazy of me
To get back to the same hurt!
How long till I learn my lesson
How long till I give up
Why don’t I learn to discount you
And stop going back to the same hurt!
Gradually you’re also improving
As each time you outdo your worse
Still, like a mad person that I am
I land myself in the same hurt!
High time I give up on you
High time I understand my worth
High time I do whatever is needed
And stop going back to the same hurt!
Sometimes out of courtesy
Other times due to my soft heart
Even, because I don’t know
This horrible, hurtful art
I’ve given enough second chances
Enough excuses to your erratic self
No more, I’ll keep reminding myself
Just STOP – going back to the same hurt!
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Fight the pain…!
Your pain can make you tough or it can make you tremble
Your tears can get you going or hold you in deep shambles
Your agony can fire you or make you weep like a baby
Your past can keep you chained with in your thought a “maybe”
Don’t let your fears rule you
Find a way to fight those blues
Nowhere but forward, you tread
Don’t give up, be a fighter instead!
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No answer to my whys…!
I saw you there – when you were rushing by
You looked at me and let out a sigh
At first you tried to walk away
But then you turned and came my way
You looked hurt and I know I did wrong
You were angry that I wasn’t strong
Still, you lovingly stroked my hair
I nearly choked for that gasp of air
Tears brimming my eyes I asked how you were
No words, your finger on my cheek lingered
Then you asked – “Wasn’t I your choice?”
“Why weren’t you strong”, you asked in a muffled voice…
My tears by now had smeared my face
I said I was sorry for my fearful ways
You shook your head in exasperation
While still holding my face in desperation
Suddenly then your poise you regained
When you backed off, I almost exploded in pain
“Please don’t go”, I cried out with scare
Not in my senses, of my surroundings I wasn’t aware
The disappointment in your eyes, the defeated look
“You could’ve been mine”, were your words as a step away you took
As if frozen, I saw your retreat
I was to blame for this shattering defeat
You tried to hide those tears of pain
“Take care” you said in a very weak strain
I saw you leave, turning every now and then
Don’t know how long, not sure till when
I stood there with tears flowing by
With no reason, no answer to my whys…
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Life, or Strife…?
Not one who is not in pain in this lifeNot one who is free from some major strifeAs I meet people, such pain I seeIs this how You wanted Your world to be?
Fake smiles, each fighting gross painAll the advices just go in vainTears and sobs and compromiseBefore age we need to act wise
It hurts me immense and I want to helpIt breaks my heart to hear them yelpI want to give them the balm they seekAtleast give strength to those who’re weak
But nothing soothes the pain which killsNothing which really helps to fillThe void – which’s so deep and bareI just sit with You to say a prayer…
Finding our way in this maze You’ve madeListening to Your voice which sometimes fadesSteering along the stumbling blocksWe’re trying to reach our destination rock
Just keep us on the path which is rightDon’t let us fall, just hold us tightNone who can soothe, none who can guideNone who can help us cross this trench so wide
Don’t leave our hand while we try to walkJust be there when we want to talkGive us the strength to bear this strifeLet us have a happy life…!
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Orphan, this one! :(
All alone on this path as I tread
Can’t remember when last I was fed
No care, no love, no one who said
“Come here my child, let me put you to bed”
Fending for myself, alone on the streets
No fuss, no tantrum, no one dancing on my beats
No pampering, no gifts, no toys or treats
With open arms, no one who meets
Sobbing tears if I ever feel weak
Where do I go, which shelter to seek
Who is there to kiss my cheek
To say, “My dear, you’re truly unique!”
I sometimes feel very scared
As I live on streets exposed and bare
Is there not even one here or there?
The warmth of an abode with me who can share
Whom to complain if I ever want to
How I wish for a door to go through
To live a life, totally different and new
To have all the things which currently are few
Not easy it is to live all alone
Famished always, body like a bone
Callously ignored & on the streets thrown
Before being a child, feeling all grown
Why this bias, getting punished for what?
Why have I been sent – is it only to rot?
Did YOU send me here and just forgot?
To fend for myself I’ve all alone fought!
I have some dreams, even I want to live
I am sure for me, YOU have something to give
If I was ever wrong, now please forgive
Small favours only, nothing that I need is too big
A family to love, someone to care
Someone who’ll lovingly stroke my hair
And as I tread out, this time to learn
Someone – who’ll wait for even my return!
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No More Trying…!
You always just told me what I am not
Never appreciated what I’ve got
I kept on trying to prove my worth
Precious years of life now seem wasted as dirt
Compromising what was important to me
I tried to be what you wanted me to be
Knowing otherwise, but still agreeing with you
Just to get some peace in lieu
Fighting with self many a times
To make you happy I tried to mime
Compromised with values close to my heart
Gradually from myself I grew apart
Losing my self-worth happened with time
Emotions became super sublime
Angry at the world, angry at my God
I only worked towards getting your nod
No meaning was there till I realized
For whose peace did I sacrifice?
When those whom I thought I am trying to please
Are still thinking that I did nothing supreme!
Woken from a dream with a strong jolt
I have to put those, behind a bolt
Not to let them steal anymore
My smile, my peace, my life – like before
Need to restart, I know it will take me long
– Before I can write a new life song
Bit by bit, piece by piece
I will ultimately find my peace
No matter what it takes, how tough it will be
I will regain my self-esteem eventually
No more trying hard to be the good one
After all, to prove me wrong was your fun!
So even while parting I’ll give, not take
Let you be a martyr for your happiness’ sake
I choose my peace above proving to be good
For I know I’ve tried as best as I could…
Sonal's Poems 