Category: Feelings…

Your thoughts never leave me, though together we’re not, nor meant to be

Your memories cloud me and make me wonder why to be

This loneliness makes me question what was it supposed to be

And if it wasn’t supposed to be, then why did it ever bother me?

 

If you were not supposed to stay then why did you cross my way

If you didn’t mean truly, then why did you choose those words to say

Which stay engraved and never tend to leave my side

Now make me wonder, if you only just took me for a ride!

 

I try to curb this sadness within, try to see all good things around

Then where do these tears come from, even when I smile abound

Why my heart aches to know, if you too think of me alike

Do you also miss those times, when you didn’t have to hide your likes?

 

Though now faded, but memories never desert me

Of those times, when together were you and me

You’re always around even if not to be seen

Yes, mind never stops thinking of what could’ve been…!

 

Strange are you, confusing are your ways

You are around always, and sometimes nowhere for days!

Never have I told you, what you really mean to me, 

And if ever I’ve tried, knowingly you’ve pretended to not see! 

Why this confusion, why you’re in my life so

Why suddenly you appear whenever I am low?

How do you get to know that I am not what I show?

How do you understand my words without me saying so?

Still when I share, you pretend it doesn’t affect you

Is it really so?? No, it can’t be true!

For I’ve heard it in your words, I’ve seen it in your ways

Still sometimes you behave rash and my heart shattered lays  

You’re no one if I see, still you mean so much

If I count my close ones, you’re on top of people such

Then why do you pretend its nothing, and as if you don’t care? 

When through your silence too, you lay emotions bare!

You leave me confused – what you really think of me

One minute you’re distanced, the other you see through me

Why you can’t be simple, why you can’t stay sure?

Why you go away, and then again come back to lure?

Why I think of you, why the dreams are so vivid?

Why I start to wish even with my heart so timid..

Not asking for anything more, as nothing can be changed

But just knowing your true self, will repair the heart estranged!  

Yes, I was a fool, to not realise it back then, 

But even now you hold true meaning, in my life my friend

I desire nothing, which will change things for you

Just wish to see your feelings – bare and true!

So stay transparent with me, I can’t understand the tactics

Simple heart I am, have never ever acted!

Sometimes, I wonder if you’re punishing me?

But then the next moment I realise, how silly of me!

To not have you at all, will be better than having you distanced 

Stop pretending please, it is my friendly persistence!

I love the comfort you provide, even through your erratic presence 

That we’re far, but still related is an assurance! 

 

 

 

Do you also miss me, and dream of what could’ve been?

Do you also remember, the last time we had each other seen?

Sometimes I feel I am right there, sitting next to you

In a jiffy you’ll reach out, and hold my hand close to you

Can you also still smell, my perfume as I do yours?

Can you also verbatim, recall those close talks of ours?

I get reminded of that comfort, which I only felt with you

Whether it was sharing things big, or nonsensical ideas too

Do you also sometimes, feel lonely in a crowd?

Do you get excited too, when there’s a  possibility of me being around?

Yes, I felt alive when you were in my life

To talk to you, to meet you, my heart was in constant strife 

Can you also not hold back, to share with me even if in thoughts?

Can you also not sing without crying, those dedicated songs?

Will you ever tell me that yes, it was a mistake

To not say what we had in mind, and to so easily forsake

Do you promise to be mine, the next time you will be asked?

Do you promise to meet me soon, up there after we breathe our last?

Till then my dear though apart, I’ll reach you like sunshine

Till then I believe like Casper, around me you’ll be – always mine!

 

I never knew I’ll have to live without you

I didn’t know I had to learn this in life

I didn’t know I’ll have to tackle this –

Situation of not being your wife

There was struggle endlessly

There was strive throughout 

There was tension and misery 

So maybe we are better without

We saw happy times, sadly which were few

And then came a time, when you found else in lieu

Which couple doesn’t fight, who don’t go through rain?

Does that give you the right, to put my respect to shame?

Couldn’t stand the betrayal, no i couldn’t have let it been,

You gave so much misery, happy times were less seen

Yes, I do miss the company, yes, I do miss us,

But happy I am to see, that you’re not there to fuss.

You’re not there now when I need a helping hand

To handle home, or kids, to handle the day’s demands

Yes, I work double roles, of mum and a dad too

Yes, I struggle through the day, and sometimes shed a tears few

But I am stronger than ever and though at times I frown

But I’ll play this game, and won’t let it bring me down

I’ll raise our kids fabulously, I’ll give them the best to be

I’ll show them a strong woman, in tough times doesn’t flee

You chose to run away, to turn away from tasks

But let me tell you Mister, up there you’ll be asked

In life we all learn lessons, and yes, I’ve learnt mine

No one is there forever, we ourselves have to shine

I’ll live life to the fullest, I’ll be open to probabilities, 

No I won’t let your thoughts hinder, my future possibilities

You were mistaken if you thought, I’ll come begging and crying

You judged me wrong, for I won’t even when I’m dying! 

I know you came to teach lessons, and to give me some pain

Wish there was another way to learn, that’s the only complain

But I am strong, and I think I’ll always remain

If in this tough time too, I am keeping myself sane

Here I bid adieu, forever to you

Hope not to see you again, in life’s run

I did make a mistake by coming to you

But thankful I am, that now it’s undone!

So stay happy where you are, 

No, you’re not welcome back now

No apologies will be entertained

Even if very low you bow!

 

Tell me if I ask you to, will you hold me really tight?

Tell me if I ask you to, will you never with me fight?

Tell me even if I ask you to, you’ll never let go of my hand?

Tell me even if I ask you to, you’ll never leave me in any land?

Say it that you’ll love me always, only more if it’s possible,

Say it our love will know no bounds, no arguments will be plausible…

Say it that you’ll not stop caring, even when you’re angry,

Say it that you’ll always remain, for my love – hungry…

Promise me we’ll always love US, no matter what the circumstance,

Promise me we won’t ever get tired, of each other’s pranks…

Promise me we’ll not give up, even if life throws surprises,

Promise me we’ll try our best, to live with each other’s vices…

Yes, I know you admit to all above, for I see it in your eyes,

Yes, I know you’ll always hold true and will never leave my side…

There is true love in your heart, you show it through your actions,

Even if I would like to hear, I don’t doubt your love by any fraction! 

Blessed be US, blessed be love, may blessed be true feelings,

Blessed be those loving souls, may all hurt hearts see healing…

As I am rejoicing in your love today, may all experience such magic

As I join hands in prayers today, I just seek no end to be tragic! 

Was I always a loner or has life made me this way?

Feeling suffocated and I want to be surrounded by only day…

I always wanted friends and family to be around me,

Then why today when I call, there’s no one to hear me?

What did I do wrong where did things go amiss,

Feeling so damn tired of this constant search for bliss..

I was open to love and open to people,

But all those experiences have left me just crippled..

I have made mistakes too and am sure I’m not all right,

But many were those which were made by others in sight..

Turmoil was that others didn’t accept theirs as I did mine,

So as an end result, only I in bad light shine..

Being righteous gave me such a tough time,

To know that I was right, but still accepted I did the crime.. 

Shed those tears within, though for peace with others I smiled,

But gradually it was killing me, every now and then I sighed..

It hurts to realise that those people who were close,

Chose to part ways, when for myself I decided to pose..

Why do they always wanted me to only entertain?

Did they never think that I also needed their company in rain?

It broke my heart, though outwardly I might’ve seemed harsh,

I needed them to chase me, to tell me without me they are sparse..

It leaves me shattered to feel, that what I perceived was wrong,

Only till I served their purpose, did they kept me along..

Never wanted the distances, never did any harm,

Was true and expected truth, only in lies I couldn’t keep calm..

Is it needed to be fake, to survive in this world of today?

In that case I’ll fail, and I have nothing further to say… 

Whether you are near me or very far away

I’ll make my voice reach you – crossing, what’s there in the way

I’ll make you hear my earnest wish and

I’ll make you see my dear, the mystery land

Where you’ll find me always with you

Happy and smiling and expressing, my true feelings for you! 

Though close we are not but it doesn’t stop me

From wishing for you immense happiness to be

For wish fulfillment and smiles galore

For success to touch you more and more

Wishes for abundant peace

For strength to get what you want to keep! 

Sad at this situation amiss

Where we want to talk but there’s a mist amidst

Exhausted I am with settling things

The messy feeling badly clings

So I choose to stay away and though you won’t approve

You’ll feel I’ve forgotten, but now I don’t want to prove… 

Someday I am sure we’ll get to meet

Where I’ll share, you’ll share and we’ll greet

We’ll talk without hesitation

We’ll share irritations

We’ll settle scores and smile at the end

And part ways again to meet forever at the bend…! 

Always stay happy and remember my friend

When we said goodbye, it wasn’t THE END…! 

Some days are life changing, this, I had only heard

Never thought I’ll go through it myself, and a become a real nerd…

Life is so unpredictable, so why do we rely on it

People are ever-changing, you can’t trust anybody even a bit!

Situations become anti-you, and you just have to adjust

How much ever you cry and seek, answers are not a must…

 

You feel you were living a myth, that has suddenly been broken

Your happiness was spell-bound, into reality you’ve been shaken!

 

Why & how, where & when, are thoughts which keep coming to you

You want to erase the past, but THAT, how to do…

You feel cheated by HIM, your heart feels sore

You feel you’re being punished, and want to now what for?

 

Life becomes a burden, each breath becomes a task

You want to lie low, and hide behind a mask…

 

Why did those days come, why did it happen to you

So many complications, and solution – none which you can see!

 

Life changing days they were, wish they had never come

Even if you were living a myth, happiness there was some…

 

Now it feels you’ve lost a battle, what’s there to live for now

Frantically you look around, trying to find a reason somehow!

 

 

 

Some people leave & there’s a thunder

There’s a blank which stays & makes you wonder

How will you ever live without them?

Will it ever be the same again?

Life moves on & you’ve got to adjust

Tears seem to dry & letting past be, becomes a must

But you never forget and miss them so much 

The pain in your heart is excruciating such…

And then comes a day when you feel life is meaningless

Without them, who were there & will remain truly priceless

Why did they ever have to go away?

Why couldn’t they have been a part of your life to stay?

Amazing are God’s ways

HE makes you meet people and then takes them away

If HE never wanted to keep you together

Then why did HE make you meet them ever?

It is an outcry of heart and a resonating query

That also leads to a frustrating fury

But then, life has to move on,

You have to breathe and learn to live on…!

 

Who are you dear MOOD? Are you a mister or a miss?

Why do you change so often? Why can’t you let me be in bliss?

One minute all seems good and the very other all bleak

Why do you bother me so much and make me go all weak?

When you pull me down, you do that pretty bad!

All seems dull, low and I become all sad!

When you are gloomy yourself you seem to cast that spell on me

Oh Mr. Miss. Whoever you are, why can’t you just let me be!

With your negativity you make me such a pessimist,

Only dullness seems good though I want to shirk you away with a tight fist!

It takes a herculean effort to come out of your entwines

To appreciate the gifts of life how much ever I whine

 

But when you are at your best, you seem to bestow the gift of positivity

Every hurdle seems a steppingstone with hope I see every reality

You make me see life through the rose tinted glasses

All seems bright and shiny, even mountains seem to have passes

Cracks filter light and every turn comes with an opportunity

There is no sadness but only smiles through lots of creativity

World looks extra helpful and so much energy you provide

With all this good happening life is nothing but a joyride

 

But suddenly then the bad side of you comes back

And hit with me a vengeance, all my smiles take a back track

Do you have a problem with me Mr. Mood? Let me address you as Mr. hereby

You have a split personality with the sweet good and the bad who is sly

Let me be surrounded by your good self oh please don’t make me cry

When you have so much goodness which you can spread all around

Then why this gloominess you bring along and why in shackles you bound?

I think you are yourself confused as to when do you get more attention

When you spread smiles or bring along bags of tension?

Let me tell you Mr. Mood, you’re loved when you’re happy yourself

It is then that you’re welcome not when you let me in stress delve

So hope Mr. Mood I will always see your happy ways

You won’t trouble me with your dual roles and let sunshine rule all my days!               

I don’t know what hurts me more, my pain or seeing you in chain

Does my heart hurts more, or your eyes full of tears slained

You keep it to you, for you fear hurting thus

But it’s strange that I hear what remains unsaid between us

I see those tears unshed, I hear those breaths stifled

I hear those words silenced, and those sobs miffled

Trust me when I say, I feel more sorry for you

For though it rips me apart, I just want you to be true

Holding hands or away, does not really matter

Because of my bliss, I cannot else shatter

Feel agnonised at this tangle, don’t know what to do

How to end this smoothly, how to lead you to be true! 

Do you believe in angels? Oh, I very much do

Have felt their warm presence and motherly care too!

God can’t be everywhere, so HE created angels for me and you

To help us, spread love and to support us in what we do!

 

Few angels in my life, have been there always for me

They’ve guided me always, to the best that it could be!

Had it not been for them, don’t know what would’ve I done

Just perceiving hardship, I think I would’ve run!

But due to their help & guidance in my life

I faced hardship & every possible strife,

Many challenging situations were made easy

They were always there, and never too busy!

I feel grateful to HIM for sending them my way

Even in thick clouds, they brought a bright ray

I love my angels and always want them in my vicinity

They are special signs of HIM, & symbols of HIS divinity!

What is life, is it only this despair

Woof… went all my dreams flying in the air

Not that I had dreams also too big

Just someone who loves with whom life could’ve been a merry zig

This heartache and these constant tears

This agony and heart full of fears

Weren’t part of the vision about my future

There was love, peace and lot of laughter

I know sorrow comes when joy one has to reach

There is darkness before light fills the corner each

There are heartbreaks when love round the corner waits

And failures are there before we meet our fate

But waiting and waiting and waiting endlessly

And crying and crying, eyes shed tears ceaselessly

Heart breaks and the soul feels lonely

Where to go, what to do, I look around hopelessly

All doors closed, only turning around is possible

Making a u turn and returning seems viable

To the very state which caused all that’s said above

Are you laughing now – the Almighty there above?

Not saying You are wrong, I surely must be deserving

Of this pain and agony, that’s why I must be suffering

Will this how I’ll live forever… is what gives a shiver

Will each day of life be such… till with last breath my lips quiver?

To die before dying is what has happened to me

Now it is just living for name though nothing is remaining to be

Where are all those hopes, where is that smile?

Where is the happiness, my desire to strive?

Where is that twinkle in my eye,

Which when conveyed, made me feel shy!

Where is my zest for life, the love that I had in abundance?

Can I get all these back at this very instance?

What is the purpose of my life, why have You sent me here?

Can You kindly towards that path my life steer?

Tired of seeing insults and enough of failures now

Being looked down upon, and giving everything with a bow

I am looking upon You to guide me the right way

Can You please have mercy and show me the day?

This darkness is empowering and will engulf me all

Oh please hold my hand and save me this final fall

Make me strong or hold me tight

Let me go… or else fill me with Your light

Change my heart and mind, give my soul its purpose

Or teach me the ways to deal with life’s circus!

To live is getting tougher

The road is getting even rougher

I can’t do it without You, so do remember this,

Please come my way without any further tiff!

I miss you all through the day, I think of you even at night

I keep thinking what could’ve been, how you could’ve been in sight

How you could’ve been along, and how different things could’ve been

Had you ever expressed, those hidden feelings for me!

I sometimes even think, wish I had spoken myself

Coz heartbreak frightened you so much, that expression, you shelved

It perplexes me so much, that how your fear caused a block

Even when you saw, the one you loved, was in shock

To see how you behaved

And showed that you didn’t care

It hurt me so much I tell you,

That I couldn’t myself dare –

To tell you, that if you say, I won’t be able to refuse

For my dear the love you felt for me, I also felt for you!

 

 

Life is crazy, you’ve gone too far

My efforts are failing, in catching at par

What fears me, is that I am giving up

In even efforts, to keep my spirits up

No one knows, where this is going to take us

Can only pray to HIM, to always bless us

Till then let’s catch hold of each other

‘Coz this my dear, is really rough weather!

Neither are you mine nor ever will be

Still heart calls out for you and eyes want to see

Your face, and I just want to hear once again

Your soothing voice my dear without any strain!

I miss our endless conversations from morning till night

Our sharing with each other all talks however slight

Our saying everything though words we use didn’t

Our waiting for each other to understand the hints!

Feeling proximity, from a distance quite a lot

Feeling one with you, though close you were not

Waiting for your messages with childlike impatience

Smiling all along while reading them with just no pretence!

Dreams were seen though hardly ever shared

Longings were there to meet and express

Those around, also knew what we had in mind

But it was unspoken between us, something left to find.

Your letters and mails and messages were craved

Your words still, are deep in heart saved

Words that we used for each other while we spoke

Are all still held dearly, however hearts broke

When before we could meet we were made to part ways

The story which hardly began now shattered lay

There are words unsaid and questions unanswered

Wish we can meet someday and confirm what we read.

Why didn’t you speak aloud, why didn’t you hold my hand?  

Why didn’t you hold me tight when I dared to tread a new land?

Why did you let me go so easily and without any fight?

How could you accept the fact that I won’t be in sight?

I know there weren’t any promises and I’m not holding you wrong

We never told each other that our melody was a love song

But we both know that it was much more than we shared

Like none will ever, about me you cared.

What pains me is why now we can’t be in touch?

Why even our sacred friendship is looked upon with distrust?

Don’t you ever miss me, or again just choose to hide?

Heart pains, when I think of the rough tide

Which took me away from you and you did nothing to stop me

Oh why you didn’t show courage and tried to make me see

True feelings which you had or the future which could be

I miss you so much and – my Friend – you will fondly always be!