Author: Sonal

Was I always a loner or has life made me this way?

Feeling suffocated and I want to be surrounded by only day…

I always wanted friends and family to be around me,

Then why today when I call, there’s no one to hear me?

What did I do wrong where did things go amiss,

Feeling so damn tired of this constant search for bliss..

I was open to love and open to people,

But all those experiences have left me just crippled..

I have made mistakes too and am sure I’m not all right,

But many were those which were made by others in sight..

Turmoil was that others didn’t accept theirs as I did mine,

So as an end result, only I in bad light shine..

Being righteous gave me such a tough time,

To know that I was right, but still accepted I did the crime.. 

Shed those tears within, though for peace with others I smiled,

But gradually it was killing me, every now and then I sighed..

It hurts to realise that those people who were close,

Chose to part ways, when for myself I decided to pose..

Why do they always wanted me to only entertain?

Did they never think that I also needed their company in rain?

It broke my heart, though outwardly I might’ve seemed harsh,

I needed them to chase me, to tell me without me they are sparse..

It leaves me shattered to feel, that what I perceived was wrong,

Only till I served their purpose, did they kept me along..

Never wanted the distances, never did any harm,

Was true and expected truth, only in lies I couldn’t keep calm..

Is it needed to be fake, to survive in this world of today?

In that case I’ll fail, and I have nothing further to say… 

Whether you are near me or very far away

I’ll make my voice reach you – crossing, what’s there in the way

I’ll make you hear my earnest wish and

I’ll make you see my dear, the mystery land

Where you’ll find me always with you

Happy and smiling and expressing, my true feelings for you! 

Though close we are not but it doesn’t stop me

From wishing for you immense happiness to be

For wish fulfillment and smiles galore

For success to touch you more and more

Wishes for abundant peace

For strength to get what you want to keep! 

Sad at this situation amiss

Where we want to talk but there’s a mist amidst

Exhausted I am with settling things

The messy feeling badly clings

So I choose to stay away and though you won’t approve

You’ll feel I’ve forgotten, but now I don’t want to prove… 

Someday I am sure we’ll get to meet

Where I’ll share, you’ll share and we’ll greet

We’ll talk without hesitation

We’ll share irritations

We’ll settle scores and smile at the end

And part ways again to meet forever at the bend…! 

Always stay happy and remember my friend

When we said goodbye, it wasn’t THE END…! 

Some days are life changing, this, I had only heard

Never thought I’ll go through it myself, and a become a real nerd…

Life is so unpredictable, so why do we rely on it

People are ever-changing, you can’t trust anybody even a bit!

Situations become anti-you, and you just have to adjust

How much ever you cry and seek, answers are not a must…

 

You feel you were living a myth, that has suddenly been broken

Your happiness was spell-bound, into reality you’ve been shaken!

 

Why & how, where & when, are thoughts which keep coming to you

You want to erase the past, but THAT, how to do…

You feel cheated by HIM, your heart feels sore

You feel you’re being punished, and want to now what for?

 

Life becomes a burden, each breath becomes a task

You want to lie low, and hide behind a mask…

 

Why did those days come, why did it happen to you

So many complications, and solution – none which you can see!

 

Life changing days they were, wish they had never come

Even if you were living a myth, happiness there was some…

 

Now it feels you’ve lost a battle, what’s there to live for now

Frantically you look around, trying to find a reason somehow!

 

 

 

Some people leave & there’s a thunder

There’s a blank which stays & makes you wonder

How will you ever live without them?

Will it ever be the same again?

Life moves on & you’ve got to adjust

Tears seem to dry & letting past be, becomes a must

But you never forget and miss them so much 

The pain in your heart is excruciating such…

And then comes a day when you feel life is meaningless

Without them, who were there & will remain truly priceless

Why did they ever have to go away?

Why couldn’t they have been a part of your life to stay?

Amazing are God’s ways

HE makes you meet people and then takes them away

If HE never wanted to keep you together

Then why did HE make you meet them ever?

It is an outcry of heart and a resonating query

That also leads to a frustrating fury

But then, life has to move on,

You have to breathe and learn to live on…!

 

Who are you dear MOOD? Are you a mister or a miss?

Why do you change so often? Why can’t you let me be in bliss?

One minute all seems good and the very other all bleak

Why do you bother me so much and make me go all weak?

When you pull me down, you do that pretty bad!

All seems dull, low and I become all sad!

When you are gloomy yourself you seem to cast that spell on me

Oh Mr. Miss. Whoever you are, why can’t you just let me be!

With your negativity you make me such a pessimist,

Only dullness seems good though I want to shirk you away with a tight fist!

It takes a herculean effort to come out of your entwines

To appreciate the gifts of life how much ever I whine

 

But when you are at your best, you seem to bestow the gift of positivity

Every hurdle seems a steppingstone with hope I see every reality

You make me see life through the rose tinted glasses

All seems bright and shiny, even mountains seem to have passes

Cracks filter light and every turn comes with an opportunity

There is no sadness but only smiles through lots of creativity

World looks extra helpful and so much energy you provide

With all this good happening life is nothing but a joyride

 

But suddenly then the bad side of you comes back

And hit with me a vengeance, all my smiles take a back track

Do you have a problem with me Mr. Mood? Let me address you as Mr. hereby

You have a split personality with the sweet good and the bad who is sly

Let me be surrounded by your good self oh please don’t make me cry

When you have so much goodness which you can spread all around

Then why this gloominess you bring along and why in shackles you bound?

I think you are yourself confused as to when do you get more attention

When you spread smiles or bring along bags of tension?

Let me tell you Mr. Mood, you’re loved when you’re happy yourself

It is then that you’re welcome not when you let me in stress delve

So hope Mr. Mood I will always see your happy ways

You won’t trouble me with your dual roles and let sunshine rule all my days!               

I don’t know what hurts me more, my pain or seeing you in chain

Does my heart hurts more, or your eyes full of tears slained

You keep it to you, for you fear hurting thus

But it’s strange that I hear what remains unsaid between us

I see those tears unshed, I hear those breaths stifled

I hear those words silenced, and those sobs miffled

Trust me when I say, I feel more sorry for you

For though it rips me apart, I just want you to be true

Holding hands or away, does not really matter

Because of my bliss, I cannot else shatter

Feel agnonised at this tangle, don’t know what to do

How to end this smoothly, how to lead you to be true! 

Do you believe in angels? Oh, I very much do

Have felt their warm presence and motherly care too!

God can’t be everywhere, so HE created angels for me and you

To help us, spread love and to support us in what we do!

 

Few angels in my life, have been there always for me

They’ve guided me always, to the best that it could be!

Had it not been for them, don’t know what would’ve I done

Just perceiving hardship, I think I would’ve run!

But due to their help & guidance in my life

I faced hardship & every possible strife,

Many challenging situations were made easy

They were always there, and never too busy!

I feel grateful to HIM for sending them my way

Even in thick clouds, they brought a bright ray

I love my angels and always want them in my vicinity

They are special signs of HIM, & symbols of HIS divinity!

What is life, is it only this despair

Woof… went all my dreams flying in the air

Not that I had dreams also too big

Just someone who loves with whom life could’ve been a merry zig

This heartache and these constant tears

This agony and heart full of fears

Weren’t part of the vision about my future

There was love, peace and lot of laughter

I know sorrow comes when joy one has to reach

There is darkness before light fills the corner each

There are heartbreaks when love round the corner waits

And failures are there before we meet our fate

But waiting and waiting and waiting endlessly

And crying and crying, eyes shed tears ceaselessly

Heart breaks and the soul feels lonely

Where to go, what to do, I look around hopelessly

All doors closed, only turning around is possible

Making a u turn and returning seems viable

To the very state which caused all that’s said above

Are you laughing now – the Almighty there above?

Not saying You are wrong, I surely must be deserving

Of this pain and agony, that’s why I must be suffering

Will this how I’ll live forever… is what gives a shiver

Will each day of life be such… till with last breath my lips quiver?

To die before dying is what has happened to me

Now it is just living for name though nothing is remaining to be

Where are all those hopes, where is that smile?

Where is the happiness, my desire to strive?

Where is that twinkle in my eye,

Which when conveyed, made me feel shy!

Where is my zest for life, the love that I had in abundance?

Can I get all these back at this very instance?

What is the purpose of my life, why have You sent me here?

Can You kindly towards that path my life steer?

Tired of seeing insults and enough of failures now

Being looked down upon, and giving everything with a bow

I am looking upon You to guide me the right way

Can You please have mercy and show me the day?

This darkness is empowering and will engulf me all

Oh please hold my hand and save me this final fall

Make me strong or hold me tight

Let me go… or else fill me with Your light

Change my heart and mind, give my soul its purpose

Or teach me the ways to deal with life’s circus!

To live is getting tougher

The road is getting even rougher

I can’t do it without You, so do remember this,

Please come my way without any further tiff!